Ahh Summer

Well, I finally graduated from ESU. It took me 4 years, and many memories that I will cherish forever. May 2nd was my graduation, and like most college students, I am totally stuck. Finding an exciting writing job is my main goal, but I am willing to accept the fact that the economy is shaky and it will take some time. Besides all that, it feels great to be a college graduate. Now I can offically say that epilepsy did not hold me back. This proves to all epileptic college students who may be struggling with their school work to never give up. Graduating is a great feeling no matter how many years it takes to achieve that goal. As I was sitting with my fellow graduates during the commencement, I couldn't help but be proud of myself. Not in a conceited way of course, but in a shocking way! Before I went to college in 2005, my highschools' Child Study Team did not think I could go to college and had absolutely no faith in me. They tried to discourage me, but I didn't let them. Who are they to determine my future?

How it all started

It was 9 AM on August 11th, 2000, when my mom told me it was time to wake up. I kept telling myself that her voice was just a part of my dream, but I knew it wasn't. I remember I had a routine doctor’s appointment that morning; otherwise I never would have woken up so early. The sun was shining so bright through my window that I had to squint just to get out of bed. It was such a hot summer day that both the air conditioning and my ceiling fan just weren’t doing the trick. However, something didn’t seem right that morning. First of all, I didn’t even have to pee, which I always do when I first get up. I also got dressed before I even entered the bathroom to do my daily morning routine, and I never do that. It was as if my mind was somewhere else that day. Things were out of order, but I just kept reassuring myself that it was just too early to think straight.

With the sun still blinding me, I managed to pick out an outfit. I remember the exact outfit I wore. I dressed myself in dark blue jean shorts, a pink tank top, and my hair pulled back into a ponytail. I didn’t really care how I looked that day because first of all, it was 9:00 in the morning and second of all, I was just going to see a doctor for a check up. My day would start when I got home from the doctor. When I finished getting dressed I finally entered the bathroom to start my routine that consisted of brushing my teeth, washing my face, fixing my hair, and applying some make up. Since I was almost 13 years old, make up was now starting to become part of the routine. Turning the bathroom light on was the last thing I remembered.

Voices of Epilepsy

On February 12, a health article was published on The New York Times website. I was doing some browsing on the Internet, and found this incredibly intriguing website. It is called, "The Voices of Epilepsy", and introduces us to six people with epilepsy who are willing to share their story. What makes this article so unique is that there is a link that brings the viewer to a website where you can actually hear their voices. Each individual briefly talks about how epilepsy effects their lives. They talk about when they developed epilepsy, how they cope with it, and different ways they control it. I almost found myself addicted to this site, because it's not a site I usually visit. Listening to the people speak was much better than reading about them. Hearing them made it feel more personal, and a chance for other epileptics to relate to their situations. I admire them for sharing their inspiring stories with the world.

Can I drive...for good?

For me, one of the worst setbacks of having epilepsy is the high risk of getting my driver's license taken away. Remember in high school when we got our licenses, and showed them off as if we won the lottery? Now picture tucking away your license in an envelope that will be delivered to your DMV...for a year. I had to do that painful act two miserable times. If you are a New Jersey resident, and have had a seizure, you lose your driver's license for one whole year. This only applies if you tell your doctor. I was always tempted to lie to my doctor just so I wouldn't lose my driving privilege. Of course, my parents and I couldn't get ourselves to do that, so being the honest people that we are, I have had the worst luck with driving. I get seizures practically every two years, so obviously driving has always been an issue. Playing this annoying game with DMV has really got me frustrated. Having people cart you around can get old very fast. I feel helpless and sometimes even a prisoner in my own home. I'm not going to lie. It absolutely sucks being 21 years old and calling my parents to pick me up. I have my license right now, but since I had a seizure in November, I'm holding my breath. My doctor doesn't want me driving alone anymore for awhile, and he is going to try and help me out and convince DMV that I am capable of driving responsibly. Wish me luck.

Am I lucky?

Sometimes when I'm reading people's entries on the forum, I can't help but ask myself, "Am I one of the lucky ones?" Some of the people that post entries really have serious issues dealing with epilepsy. Some don't even know if they have epilepsy or not. Others are amazed at themselves if they don't have a seizure for a whole week. Luckily, I have the smallest form of epilepsy, meaning that it's highly controlled and I can go up two years without having a seizure, which I have. These poor people write in desperately seeking for answers about their children or spouses on how to relate with them. It's sometimes hard reading the posts and how these people literally suffer day-to-day. I give them credit for sharing their stories and opening up to total strangers.

We are not alone

Around a month ago, I joined an epilepsy forum called Coping-with-Epilepsy.com. I have never joined or signed up for anything like this, so this was really unfamiliar to me. I figured it was about time to talk to others dealing with epilepsy. After I created a user name, I went right to work. I immediately wrote my first entry telling people that I was new to the forum. I can't begin to tell you how many people responded to my two sentence introduction. They literally welcome you and encourage you to share stories, thoughts, or questions regarding epilepsy. A couple of people wrote to me asking me questions about their children who are suffering with epilepsy and how it's like for me living away from home. I answered the best that I could, and I feel that I have a lot to offer to the website. Giving advice, interacting, and asking questions myself has made me realize that I'm really not alone.

Remarkable Roommate

Two days ago, my roommate, Allie, made me something that I am so grateful for. She actually created and printed a mini checklist so I will always know if I took my pills or not. Every time I take my pills, I must check it off for the day. For the month of March, she listed the dates on the left, and the words "morning" and "night" on the top. This little act of generosity, can really save my life. Since Allie is my roommate, she is always the one who hears the brunt of my problems as we lay awake at night. It was just the other night when I had my monthly "scare." First of all, I have a horrible habit of second guessing myself, and second of all, millions of thoughts run through my head before I finally fall asleep. Just as Allie and I were about to go to sleep, I said, "I think I forgot to take my pills." So guess what I did? I re-took them because I did not want to take the risk of getting a seizure the next morning. Something in Allie's mind must have clicked because the next night, she surprised me with the handy checklist and pen next to my water bottle and pills. Thanks Allie.